I want it all...

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

10 Tips On Making It Work

In honor of us hitting 10 years of marriage this year, I thought I would share 10 tips that help our marriage continue to work.

1. As my fellow islanders say: "Don't worry, be happy."  But in  all seriousness, happiness is a choice we have to make over and over again. We can choose to be upset over small details or annoyances or we can look at the bigger picture and choose to focus on the positive. If it's not worth divorcing over, it's not worth wasting time arguing over it.

2. Ignore and Redirect. There will be times when one of us does get annoyed over something stupid and meaningless, I mean c'mon we are human. Arguments or disagreements escalate when the other person feeds into it. So when one of us gets annoyed over something really small or insignificant, the other person continues to be kind and ignores the attention seeking behavior. Its hard to be annoyed at someone when they are being kind to you as if nothing happened.

3. Go back to the beginning. As time goes on in an relationship, we tend to get complacent and forget the things we did in the beginning. Take a moment to write down the things you did the first year you dated and do some of those things again. It may surprise you how many things you all don't do for each other anymore.

4. Get creative. After being married for awhile, life gets in the way. You may have kids and they seem to take over your schedule. The plethora of date nights you had before may not be as frequent as they used to be. Even if you aren't able to go out on a date, make sure you still make date time even if it's at home. Try taking a bubble bath together, having a movie night at home, playing games, etc... 

5. Keep it Sexy. This one is dual meaning. If you have been following me for awhile then you know I've posted about it this before, but always try your best to keep it sexy. Obviously life happens and there will be days when you look a hot mess but try your best to make an effort most days. And the other part of this one is make time for some lovin. We have two kids (and one is a toddler) so I totally understand how crazy life can be but get it in when you can whether its at nap time or right before bed. It's important for your marriage and it provides a different connection then anything else can bring.

6. Express Yourself. A lot of times, we expect our partners to be mind readers and they absolutely aren't. You feel like they're ignoring your feelings when they have no idea your feelings are hurt. If something is on your mind let them know. It's much better to express yourself early instead of letting things boil up inside and then getting extremely anger later.

7. Love Languages. It's important to find out your partners love language. It's so easy and common to try to love someone the way you need to be loved but that won't work. Pay attention to what things make them happy and ask them the things that make them feel loved and vice versa. Make sure they know the things that fill your love bucket as well. 

8. Always be respectful. A major thing in our marriage is respect. We try our very best to (even when we are upset or angry) to always be respectful to each other. If we have a disagreement, we don't yell at each other or call each other out of our name. Respect is huge and it makes all the difference. 

9. Physical Touch. It's easy to go through a normal busy day and forget to love on each other. Physical touch is an important transfer of energy and even just a small touches throughout the day reminds us of how much we love each other. If we are driving, Tony will rub on my face or shoulders. If we are watching tv, he will lay in my lap and I'll rub his head. Those little things matter and mean more than you probably realize.

10. Make an effort. Staying married and in love is work. It is something that you have to work at every single day. It takes you being unselfish and giving of yourself even when you don't feel like it. But if the other person is doing the same, it all works out. If both of you guys are working at it and truly making an effort each and every day, love and marriage can be such a beautiful thing. I honestly feel like I am hanging out with my homie every day and its a great feeling to have.


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